With the progression of the support raising, life has been interesting to say the least. I haven't worked since mid-December, but I haven't lacked busy-ness or business. I have been kept occupied with one art project after another! Whether it has been a 4x8 board of a name in graffiti, or a bedroom, I've been spray-painting my little heart out. The funny thing is I've made a decent amount of money off of the projects, which has been nice being that I'm unemployed and raising money! Here's examples of the art I've done:
"Emily" and "Alice"
I was having a tough time towards the last part of December. Christmas was great, being with the family was the highlight for sure. But I had been experiencing some anxiety and lonliness which all seemed to consumate on New Year's eve. I had nothing going on that night and was really hoping to do something fun. My few friends were either working or out of town. I realized how I don't really have an intimate community base here at home. I started feeling really isolated and disconnected and looking back in life, these have been feelings I have desperately fled from in the past. Anyhow, after a few more unsuccessful attempts to find something to do , I decided to stay in for the night. I remembered that the International House of Prayer (IHOP, not to be confused with the pancake joint) had a conference going on over New Year's with a live webstream. So I tuned into that, and no less than 5 minutes of watching the worship, I broke down. I don't cry a lot, in fact, I hadn't cried for almost 3 years before this month! But I wept. Man, it hurt so good. I needed to be where I was that night. I'm glad I didn't force my way into a situation just because I couldn't face being lonely. God is my portion. People just can't give me the fulfilment what I'm looking for, only God's love can. I'm a broken man and I want 2009 to be a year of resisting all the things that I turn to in place of intimacy with God.
Amen.
Jake
1 comment:
oh snap indeed...that pretty much sums up what I think every time i stop doing stuff and let the reality catch up with me. it makes me not want to stop...which is bad!
thanks for the reminder to post! and it's good to hear God's breaking stuff up in you-no pain no gain. :)
tell lindy i say hi when you see her!
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